When I wrote Hilary’s family to let them know that Hilary’s story will be on The Passionate Eye tomorrow, daughter Jenny (who’s featured in the documentary) wrote me back such a moving email that I asked her if I could share it:
“I am making up posters to put up around town telling people when it is showing!
… it is hard to miss her so much just when I finally had her, not only the really cool person to know, but the mother I’d always yearned for – but it is more our loss than hers… she had become well and happy, seen her life’s work completed, and was in the place she loved best, with the person she loved most, apparently even listening to their favourite song. She was given a really hard life, and she kicked its butt! I miss the heck out of her, but I am happy for her too.” – Jenny
Jenny, we’ll do our best to get Hilary’s story as far out into the world as we can. – Helen Slinger
When the Devil Knocks – Wednesday January 26 at 10 pm ET and PT on CBC News Network’s The Passionate Eye.
Lynne Sharman HBSW
I watched ‘When the devil knocks’ on The Passionate Eye last night, and wept when it ended to know that Hilary passed away before her now adult children had a chance to get to know their Mom, and perhaps deal with the fear and confusion they experienced when they were young. A double loss … to see Hilary energetically and joyfully flying a kite with her grandchild, engaging in the kind of ‘playing’ she was unable to do ‘with’ her own children as a young mother.
I am 63, have the same diagnosis, was lucky enough to go through many years of therapy with a compassionate, intuitive feminist therapist in Thunder Bay. I sent her an email about the film and wrote that I wished we had recorded some therapy sessions.
Unless you are in that room, in that comfortable chair (or hiding behind it or trying to hurt yourself with your fists or wailing in child grief) having learned to trust another human being enough to allow alters to make themselves known – only a filmed document can show some of the agony, some of the pain and the physical contortions,
transformations that take place.
I wish there was a forum for the adult children of mothers with MPD/DID. Their voices need to be heard, and they need comfort.
Jennifer Fischetti
I wish I was as lucky as Hilary cause I am 49 and have never found help. I have been diagnosed with disacioative idientity, body dismorphic, obsessive compulsive,post tramic dissorder, severe cronic depression. I never leave my house and I have been empty of a soul my whole life (what little parts I remember). I don’t remember hardly any onf my childhood til teens I was sexually active from grade 3(my earliest memory). I have 3 post teen children that have no contact with me that I raised but I have no feelings about it cause I have no connection to them cause inside I am empty and what happens in my life insn’t real I feel like I am just doing every thing on autopilot so I don’t feel anything good bad indifferent. Now I’m just waiting to die so it will all be over. I tried what hilary did and asked all my other parts to come and be safe with me last night while I was lying in bed I asked the sacred little girl to come a live in my heart where she will be warm and surrounded by love forever and I will always be there and never leave her and she will never be afraid again and if she ever feels scared snuggle in to the warmth of my heart I will know she needs me. I told the hateful hurtful one that always wants to hurt me and thinks Im worthless, ugly, don’t fit in, a monster, has to be perfect, will never measure up might as well do destructive things cause nobody will ever love, like, care for you. Come to me and live in my whole body, my skin and rest in my heart with the other and be warm, loved and with me all the same sort of things. The sexual one I told to come and live in in my stomach and rest in my heart my stomach is bacause that is where I felt she would see the pain would be over she would never have to do this again she was not born for this, this is not all she was put on this earth for. Well I could go on forever I mean it took Hilary 12 years I have been begging for help since I was 16 I wrote a will when I was first learning to print on the back of one of those hard cover typing books from the 60’s then I overdosed at 15 tried to drive my car off a cliff at 17 my parents did nothing the medical community did nothing by the time I was an adult the bits and pieces sexual abuse came back and life fell apart and the quest for help but like hilary I was never there for more than 5 minutes and most places said this wasn’t for you. It’s now at the point that no wear is for me. Last nights little exercise didn’t work I guess my aspects don’t want to be with me either. So waiting to die and autonomation is all the life I have left. It’s not fair that God took Hilary after all that hard work and leaves people like me. I use to say I was allways put on this earth to suffer somethimes I wonder if I right.
Bountiful Films
Jennifer,
Hilary wished that her story would give hope to others who suffered with DID, and would help educate therapists who work with them. Here is a link to a directory of therapists who specialize in DID and trauma. You can search by province/state or country. We wish you the best of luck. International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation.
Jennifer Fischetti
thank you but as usual nothing matches your criteria. I tried for a 100 kms from my home but that is what I expected cause I even called UBC and they turned me away. There is one thing different today I feel the disapointment of child like she almost got to go the fair then she just crawled away into a —- like why bother. While I also feel the tears on my face while I type this like I failed again and again and again I’m not going keep doing this last blog thank you for your attempt I just can’t afford that every time I look at a blue sky I get shit on by a bird and never see the sky. Hilary gave that hope again but I have to just remember I’m hopeless and remember people like hilary are far a few between don’t get sucked in cause I will only set myself up and who know one time could be destructive. That’s what I learned from this not that this is the time but what happens if another show like this comes on and I can’t handle the hateful one is around I’m not as stable just becareful you saved one but there are many of us out there still searching. Therapist coming on to me, telling me just to forget the past cause you will never remember it, getting me addicted to prescp drugs then dumping me. Me having to detox myself from serax,ativan,mellarill, alcohol, cigarettes, bulimea for 2 week in bed by myself cause I misscarried. Never went back to any of it except alcohol for 10 years then quit again for the last 5 years. I have been totally alone in any recovery in my life. This blog is probably a mixture of aspects I never go back a reread but thank you. for your attempt I think I’ve wasted enough time again and stupid me I should have know better. I go to mexico all the time maybe I will be lucky.
Cheryl Malmo
Dear Jennifer,
I am Hilary’s therapist, so let me help. There is hope for you, as there was for Hilary. You just have to be patient for a little more time until you can find a therapist to help you. There is a therapist in Vancouver named Maureen McEvoy. If she can’t see you she can tell you who to call. She was at the premiere of Hilary’s film in Vancouver in October, and I spoke with her there. Maureen wrote a chapter about working with the issue of sexual abuse in groups, in my first book, Healing Voices, 1990 (by Laidlaw and Malmo), so you can see she has been doing this work for a long time and is highly credible. DO NOT GIVE UP. STAY HOPEFUL AND YOU CAN FIND THE HELP THAT YOU NEED. DO THIS FOR YOURSELF AND IN HONOUR OF HILARY’S MEMORY PLEASE!!!!!
Sincerely,
Cheryl Malmo
Jennifer Fischetti
yea I CONTACTED
Bountiful Films
Jennifer, we’re so happy for you, and wish you every success. Please keep in touch!